Deployments: Holding It Together When Your World Feels Split in Two
Deployments are tough — there’s no sugarcoating it. Whether you’re the one packing the rucksack or the one holding down the home front, deployment can feel like someone just pressed “pause” on your normal life and replaced it with a thousand unknowns. The countdown begins, and suddenly everything feels a whole lot heavier.
For the service member
Being deployed comes with a mix of emotions that can be hard to put into words. On one hand, you’re focused on the mission, staying alert, and keeping your mind in the game. You might feel a mix of pride, purpose, and even excitement for a change of pace. On the other, there’s the constant, quiet tug of what (and who) you’ve left at home. It’s normal to feel guilty for missing milestones — birthdays, school plays, anniversaries — or to worry about how your family is holding up without you.
There’s also the reality that deployment isn’t just physically demanding, it’s emotionally draining. Long stretches of isolation, unpredictable schedules, and the pressure of being “on” 24/7 can wear anyone down. Add in limited contact with home — missed calls, dropped connections, time zone differences — and it’s easy to feel disconnected or frustrated, even when you desperately want to stay close.
For the partner or family at home
Deployment often feels like you’re living two lives at once — the one everyone sees on the outside (work, school runs, social outings with friends), and the one that no one sees (the worry, the loneliness, the stress of being the “default” parent or caregiver, the tears…) It can be exhausting to always stay strong while also quietly missing your person.
For parents, this can feel especially heavy. You’re grieving the absence of your partner, while also trying to stay steady and reassuring for your kids. You might find yourself putting on a brave face so they feel safe, even when inside you’re just as sad, anxious, or lonely as they are. That balancing act — missing your partner while being strong for your children — can take a huge emotional toll, and it’s completely normal if you feel stretched thin.
And of course, Murphy’s Law seems to be in full force the second deployment begins — cars break down, kids get sick, appliances quit, and somehow the dog decides to chew through the couch. It’s like the universe knows your plate is full and keeps piling it higher.
The rollercoaster of emotions
Here’s the thing: there’s no “right” way to handle deployment. Some days you’ll feel resilient and capable. Other days, the loneliness or stress hits like a wave. Both are normal. Emotions will cycle — anticipation before leaving, sadness during, relief when it’s over — and it’s okay to ride that rollercoaster without judging yourself (or comparing your journey to others’) along the way.
Coping strategies that help
Stay connected in the ways you can. Letters, video calls, shared journals — find the little rituals that make distance feel shorter.
Build your support network. Whether it’s family, friends, or a military community, don’t try to shoulder everything alone.
Take care of your body. Sleep, eat, move — your basic needs matter more than ever when stress is high.
Give yourself grace. You don’t have to be perfect. The house doesn’t need to look like a Pinterest board, and you don’t have to hold it together 24/7 (your kids will understand).
Final thoughts
Deployment is hard — full stop. But hard doesn’t mean impossible. You and your loved ones are capable of adapting, of finding moments of connection, and of reminding yourselves that distance doesn’t erase love.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed — whether you’re serving or supporting someone who is — therapy can give you a space to process, to breathe, and to not carry it all alone.
💡 At Morrow Therapeutics, I support individuals in navigating the challenges of deployments. If you’re facing stress, loneliness, or uncertainty while your loved one is away, you don’t have to manage it alone. Together, we can build resilience, coping strategies, and connection during this season of separation.