Effective Communication: How to Speak—and Listen—So Everyone Feels Heard
Communication is at the heart of every relationship, whether it’s with a partner, family member, or friend. Yet, despite its importance, it’s also one of the biggest sources of conflict. Misunderstandings, assumptions, and unspoken expectations can quietly build up until they explode — or slowly erode the bond over time.
The good news? Communication is a skill, and like any skill, it can be learned, practiced, and improved. Here’s how.
Listen to understand, not to respond
It sounds simple, but too often we listen just long enough to plan our next sentence. True listening means giving someone your full attention and trying to understand their perspective — even if you don’t agree.
Try this: Repeat back what you heard in your own words: “So what I’m hearing is… Did I get that right?”
Why it works: It shows the other person they’re truly heard and reduces misunderstandings before they start.
Use “I” statements
Think of “I” statements like an equation. “I feel ____ when ____.” Bonus points? Follow it up with: “I need ____.”
Example: Instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” try, “I feel unheard when I’m interrupted. I need you to let me finish speaking.”
Why it works: Blaming language sparks defensiveness. “I” statements focus on your experience rather than accusing the other person, which encourages dialogue rather than argument.
Pay attention to nonverbal cues
Communication isn’t just words. Tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language all convey meaning.
Tip: Notice your own signals — crossed arms, eye rolls, or a tight jaw can send unintended messages. Pause, breathe, and adjust before speaking. Gentle touch during difficult conversations can display that you genuinely care.
Timing matters
Some conversations need to wait until emotions aren’t running high. If you try to solve a problem in the middle of a heated moment, chances are it will escalate rather than resolve.
Strategy: Take a short break, cool down, and then revisit the conversation with a clear mind.
Hot take: Sometimes, it’s okay to go to bed before you’ve resolved the conflict. Staying up until midnight hashing things out isn’t going to do either of you any good when you both have to be awake early for work the next morning. (And, spoiler: most times, you wake up feeling less mad, anyway.)
Be curious, not combative
Instead of assuming you know why someone acted a certain way, ask. “I noticed ____ happened — can you tell me more about what that was like for you?”
Why it works: It opens space for honest sharing and shows that you care about their perspective. It also gives the other person the opportunity to fill you in on key details or context you may be unaware of.
Keep it balanced
Healthy communication isn’t just about airing grievances — it’s also about sharing appreciation, curiosity, and joy. Don’t wait for a conflict to talk; check in regularly about what’s going well.
Tip: Many couples find it helpful to schedule a weekly check-in — a dedicated time where they step away from distractions and focus on connecting with one another. Here, you can both reflect on the previous week, prepare for the upcoming one, and take time to discuss anything that isn’t sitting quite right with you.
Final thoughts
Communication is less about being perfect and more about being intentional. It’s about creating space where everyone feels safe to share, express, and connect. It’s not always easy — but it’s always worth it.
💡 At Morrow Therapeutics, I help people develop communication strategies that they can use in relationships with partners, family, and friends — so conversations feel open, honest, and less stressful.