Understanding Pregnancy Loss: Compassion, Support, and Healing
Pregnancy loss is a deeply personal and often devastating experience. It can take many forms, including miscarriage, stillbirth, or the loss of a pregnancy due to medical complications. While it is more common than many people realize, societal stigma and lack of open discussion can make it feel isolating and overwhelming.
Understanding pregnancy loss
Pregnancy loss can be incredibly difficult to process, and it’s natural to feel confused, frustrated, or even helpless when trying to understand why it happened. Often, there is no clear or simple reason — many losses occur due to factors beyond anyone’s control or understanding, such as chromosomal abnormalities or medical complications.
While it can feel impossible to make sense of a pregnancy loss, learning about the different types of loss can help provide clarity and context.
Miscarriage typically occurs in the first 20 weeks of pregnancy and affects approximately 10–20% of recognized pregnancies. However, this number may underestimate the true rate, as many early miscarriages occur before a pregnancy is even clinically recognized or confirmed. Some studies suggest that the actual rate could be closer to 30–50% of all conceptions.
A chemical pregnancy refers to an early miscarriage that occurs shortly after implantation, often before the pregnancy can be detected on an ultrasound. It’s called a “chemical” pregnancy because the loss is typically identified only through a positive pregnancy test (hCG hormone detection) rather than clinical imaging.
An ectopic pregnancy occurs when a fertilized egg implants outside the uterus, most commonly in a fallopian tube. Ectopic pregnancies are a medical emergency, as they cannot result in a viable pregnancy, and can be life-threatening if not treated promptly.
A molar pregnancy (also called a hydatidiform mole) is a rare type of pregnancy in which abnormal tissue grows inside the uterus instead of a healthy embryo. Molar pregnancies occur due to a problem with the fertilized egg and are not caused by anything the parent did or didn’t do.
A missed miscarriage, sometimes called a silent miscarriage, occurs when the embryo or fetus stops developing, but the body does not immediately expel the pregnancy tissue. Because there may be no obvious symptoms, the loss is often discovered during a routine ultrasound.
Stillbirth refers to the loss of a baby after 20 weeks of pregnancy.
A Termination for Medical Reasons (TFMR) happens when a pregnancy ends because of serious complications that affect the health of the baby, the mother, or both. This may occur after the discovery of a severe or life-limiting condition in the baby, or if continuing the pregnancy poses significant risks to the mother’s health.
Understanding these categories can validate experiences and help guide parents toward the appropriate medical care and emotional support they may need.
Pregnancy loss is rarely caused by something a parent did or didn’t do. In most cases, it’s a result of factors outside anyone’s control, such as chromosomal abnormalities or medical conditions.
“Even if you lose a tiny life, that tiny life matters.” — Unknown
Emotional impact
Pregnancy loss is more than just a medical event — it’s an emotionally activating experience. The impact can be profound, affecting how someone feels about themselves, their body, and their future. For many, the loss brings a mix of emotions:
Grief and sadness
Anger or guilt
Anxiety about future pregnancies
Numbness
These feelings may come in waves, sometimes triggered by unexpected reminders such as a due date, a pregnancy announcement from a friend, or walking past the baby aisle in a store.
It’s also common to experience a sense of isolation or loneliness. Because pregnancy loss is not always openly discussed, many people feel like they have to grieve in silence. This silence can sometimes reinforce feelings of shame or self-blame, even though the loss was not caused by anything they did or didn’t do.
It’s important to remember that these reactions are normal. Each person’s grieving process is unique, and there is no “right” way to feel.
Coping and healing
Healing takes time, and it isn’t a linear process. Some days may feel manageable, while others bring unexpected waves of grief, sadness, or anger. You may find yourself feeling “okay” one moment, and then overwhelmed the next — and that is completely normal.
There is no fixed timeline for grieving, and everyone’s experience is unique. Some people may find comfort in talking about their loss, while others may need quiet reflection. Some may process their emotions quickly, and others may take months or even years to fully come to terms with the loss.
Some strategies that may help:
Seek support: Talk with a partner, trusted friend, or family member. Consider joining support groups or speaking with a therapist.
Give yourself permission to grieve: Honor your emotions rather than trying to suppress them.
Take care of your body: Rest, eat well, and engage in gentle physical activity as you are able.
Create rituals or memorials: Some people find comfort in lighting a candle, creating a memory box, writing a letter, getting a tattoo, or remembering the loss in another meaningful way.
Supporting others
Partners and family members may also experience grief, though in different ways, which can add complexity to relationships. One person might want to talk openly about the loss, while another may cope by staying quiet or focusing on moving forward. These differences in coping styles can sometimes lead to misunderstandings, but they’re also an opportunity to support each other through honesty and compassion.
If someone you know has experienced pregnancy loss, your support can make a difference.
Listen without judgment or unsolicited advice. Remember, there aren’t any words that can erase the pain of their loss.
Acknowledge their loss — even a simple, “I’m so sorry this happened” matters.
Avoid euphemisms such as “they’re in a better place now” or “everything happens for a reason.”
Remind them this isn’t their fault; the loss isn’t something they caused or could have prevented.
Respect their grieving process and privacy. Remain open and available, even if they aren’t ready to talk yet.
Offer practical help if appropriate, like: transportation to doctor’s appointments (if follow-up care is needed), dropping off meals, or household support (help caring for animals or other children, cleaning, doing laundry).
The takeaway
Pregnancy loss is a painful and complex experience, and it is not something to navigate alone. Compassion, understanding, and access to supportive resources can make a meaningful difference in coping and healing.
💡 At Morrow Therapeutics, I support individuals and couples navigating the emotional challenges of pregnancy loss. You don’t have to face grief, guilt, or uncertainty alone — together, we can create space for healing, resilience, and hope.